1 00:00:00,687 --> 00:00:02,253 _ 2 00:00:02,422 --> 00:00:05,490 Aaah! 3 00:00:05,859 --> 00:00:07,692 [Roars] 4 00:00:07,727 --> 00:00:10,895 [Screaming] 5 00:00:10,897 --> 00:00:11,896 [Roars] 6 00:00:13,399 --> 00:00:21,105 ? 7 00:00:21,107 --> 00:00:22,974 Smiths! 8 00:00:22,976 --> 00:00:25,843 You haven't seen the last of me! 9 00:00:25,845 --> 00:00:27,445 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 10 00:00:27,447 --> 00:00:29,714 Whoa, that was clo... 11 00:00:29,716 --> 00:00:31,349 Aaaah! 12 00:00:41,491 --> 00:00:43,268 _ 13 00:00:46,059 --> 00:00:49,901 ? Deck the halls with boughs of holly ? 14 00:00:49,973 --> 00:00:53,775 ? Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ? 15 00:00:53,777 --> 00:00:55,310 What do you think, Dad? 16 00:00:55,312 --> 00:00:58,346 I've raised this tree since it was a young sapling. 17 00:00:58,348 --> 00:01:00,348 It's like the child I never had. 18 00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:01,749 All: Aw. 19 00:01:01,751 --> 00:01:05,019 Now that Santa is dead, we can finally celebrate Christmas again. 20 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:07,088 This is going to be the best Christmas ever. 21 00:01:07,090 --> 00:01:08,823 Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. 22 00:01:08,825 --> 00:01:10,658 I just came up with an awesome new dance. 23 00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:12,427 You got to see it. 24 00:01:13,296 --> 00:01:14,762 Guys? 25 00:01:14,764 --> 00:01:17,865 Guys! You got see me rock this dance. 26 00:01:17,867 --> 00:01:20,101 It's half twerking, half motorboating, 27 00:01:20,103 --> 00:01:23,571 100% sexuality. 28 00:01:24,274 --> 00:01:25,440 Hey, what are you doing? 29 00:01:25,442 --> 00:01:26,941 I'm sewing Christmas stockings 30 00:01:26,943 --> 00:01:29,310 that actually fit everyone's feet. 31 00:01:29,312 --> 00:01:31,145 I came up with the idea myself. 32 00:01:31,147 --> 00:01:32,246 Can you believe it? 33 00:01:32,248 --> 00:01:33,848 I can. Ich! 34 00:01:33,850 --> 00:01:35,717 It's always about Christmas in this house. 35 00:01:35,719 --> 00:01:37,151 I'm sick of it. I'm going to find someone 36 00:01:37,153 --> 00:01:40,355 who will appreciate me and my dance. 37 00:01:40,357 --> 00:01:42,457 And zippity-zappity-zoo. 38 00:01:42,459 --> 00:01:44,792 [Panting] 39 00:01:44,794 --> 00:01:47,061 Thank you. Thank you, Snot. 40 00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:49,063 I just knew you'd love it. 41 00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:53,634 Uh-huh. So you're Steve's uncle? 42 00:01:53,636 --> 00:01:55,370 That's right. I'm Uncle Roger. 43 00:01:55,372 --> 00:01:57,438 Are you Mr. Smith's brother? 44 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:58,706 Oh, no, no, no, no. 45 00:01:58,708 --> 00:02:00,742 No. I'm not related to Stan or Francine. 46 00:02:00,744 --> 00:02:02,677 I'm Steve's direct uncle. 47 00:02:02,679 --> 00:02:04,479 I only came over because the whole family 48 00:02:04,481 --> 00:02:06,013 is obsessed with Christmas. 49 00:02:06,015 --> 00:02:08,015 I just don't get it. You ever feel that way? 50 00:02:08,017 --> 00:02:11,853 Well, yeah. I'm Jewish, so I celebrate Hanukkah. 51 00:02:11,855 --> 00:02:14,088 - What's that? - It's an 8-day celebration 52 00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:16,057 called the Festival of Lights. 53 00:02:16,059 --> 00:02:17,692 And tonight is the first night. 54 00:02:17,694 --> 00:02:20,194 On each night, we light a candle to symbolize 55 00:02:20,196 --> 00:02:23,798 how one night's supply of oil lasted eight nights. 56 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:27,135 Sometimes we play dreidel or eat latkes, 57 00:02:27,137 --> 00:02:30,138 and sometimes we don't, and just go to bed. 58 00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:32,039 It's kind of boring. 59 00:02:32,041 --> 00:02:34,075 But it's cool that you have your own thing. 60 00:02:34,077 --> 00:02:35,276 Not really. 61 00:02:35,278 --> 00:02:37,912 Hanukkah has always been second fiddle to Christmas. 62 00:02:37,914 --> 00:02:41,916 We don't have any catchy songs, or Santa, or anything. 63 00:02:41,918 --> 00:02:44,519 This is a tough time of the year for us. 64 00:02:44,521 --> 00:02:46,154 Are there, or have there ever been, 65 00:02:46,156 --> 00:02:49,357 other tough times for Jewish people? 66 00:02:49,359 --> 00:02:50,825 Yes. 67 00:02:50,827 --> 00:02:53,761 Hey, you know what? As Christmas outsiders, 68 00:02:53,763 --> 00:02:55,229 the two of us should stick together. 69 00:02:55,231 --> 00:02:57,432 Neither of us should suffer alone in this, 70 00:02:57,434 --> 00:02:58,766 the toughest of times. 71 00:02:58,768 --> 00:03:01,035 I'm going to celebrate Hanukkah with you. 72 00:03:01,037 --> 00:03:04,172 So how do I become Jewish? Do I just... Do I just kiss you? 73 00:03:04,174 --> 00:03:05,940 Let's start with some reading. 74 00:03:05,942 --> 00:03:09,444 The Book of Creation. That sounds juicy. 75 00:03:09,446 --> 00:03:11,312 That's too advanced for you. 76 00:03:11,314 --> 00:03:15,650 If you want to become Jewish, you must first study the Torah. 77 00:03:15,652 --> 00:03:19,654 In the beginning, God created heaven and Earth. 78 00:03:19,656 --> 00:03:21,656 Hey, they lifted that line from the Bible. 79 00:03:21,658 --> 00:03:23,124 This is going to be fun. 80 00:03:23,126 --> 00:03:25,259 Let's get Jewy! 81 00:03:25,261 --> 00:03:28,629 [Traditional Jewish music plays] 82 00:03:44,177 --> 00:03:46,514 ? Viva, nagila, viva ? 83 00:03:46,516 --> 00:03:48,316 ? Nagila viva ? 84 00:03:48,318 --> 00:03:52,753 ? Nagila vi-i-iva ? 85 00:03:52,755 --> 00:03:55,189 [Slot machine clicks] 86 00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:57,318 - [Beeping] - Mazel. Mazel very tov. 87 00:03:58,728 --> 00:04:00,995 [Camera shutter clicks] 88 00:04:02,313 --> 00:04:04,626 _ 89 00:04:06,875 --> 00:04:08,587 [Glass shatters] 90 00:04:08,622 --> 00:04:11,789 Feh, got needles much, you dumb tree? Feh. 91 00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:14,555 Roger, what are you doing? 92 00:04:14,557 --> 00:04:17,291 My baby! [Sobs] 93 00:04:17,293 --> 00:04:20,394 I'm celebrating Hanukkah now. I hope you can all respect that. 94 00:04:20,396 --> 00:04:23,064 It's fine that you want to celebrate Hanukkah, Roger, 95 00:04:23,066 --> 00:04:24,799 but you can't put your candlestick 96 00:04:24,801 --> 00:04:26,033 that close to the drapes. 97 00:04:26,035 --> 00:04:27,602 It's a fire hazard. 98 00:04:27,604 --> 00:04:30,471 Oh, my Jewish god. 99 00:04:30,473 --> 00:04:32,139 What are you saying, Francine? 100 00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:34,041 That my Menorah isn't welcome here? 101 00:04:34,043 --> 00:04:36,544 I didn't say that. You're putting words in my mouth. 102 00:04:36,546 --> 00:04:39,881 That's better than what other people in there. 103 00:04:39,883 --> 00:04:42,083 Oh, he has a disgusting point. 104 00:04:42,085 --> 00:04:45,219 Snot said Christmas was hard for him. Now I know why. 105 00:04:45,221 --> 00:04:48,389 Snot? You've been hanging out with my Snot? 106 00:04:48,391 --> 00:04:51,459 Nobody in this family ever wants to do what I want to do, 107 00:04:51,461 --> 00:04:54,295 and what I want to do now is Chanukkah. 108 00:04:54,297 --> 00:04:57,098 [Sobs] 109 00:04:57,100 --> 00:05:00,268 Have any of the rest of you been hanging out with my friends? 110 00:05:01,838 --> 00:05:02,937 ? Jingle bells ? 111 00:05:02,939 --> 00:05:04,138 ? Santa smells ? 112 00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:06,374 ? Everything's so lame ? 113 00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:08,943 ? Christmas time is such a grind ? 114 00:05:08,945 --> 00:05:10,745 ? Hey, don't push me away ? 115 00:05:10,747 --> 00:05:11,846 Hey! 116 00:05:11,848 --> 00:05:14,448 ? Jingle bells, I'm unwell ? 117 00:05:14,450 --> 00:05:16,684 ? Watching others play ? 118 00:05:16,686 --> 00:05:18,853 ? They have fun, but I am bummed ? 119 00:05:18,855 --> 00:05:21,989 ? 'Cause Santa skips my place ? 120 00:05:23,893 --> 00:05:25,993 ? Crashing through the mall ? 121 00:05:25,995 --> 00:05:28,229 ? 'Cause I'm driving while I'm baked ? 122 00:05:28,231 --> 00:05:30,398 ? But I don't care at all ? 123 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,166 ? I was crying the whole way ? 124 00:05:32,168 --> 00:05:33,067 Ha-ha-ha. 125 00:05:33,069 --> 00:05:35,036 ? See that Christmas tree ? 126 00:05:35,038 --> 00:05:36,904 ? All those kids in line ? 127 00:05:36,906 --> 00:05:38,973 ? All we see is red and green ? 128 00:05:38,975 --> 00:05:40,808 ? And a few ugly hate crimes ? 129 00:05:40,810 --> 00:05:43,110 ? Oh, jingle bells, here me yell ? 130 00:05:43,112 --> 00:05:44,912 ? Jewish gifts are dumb ? 131 00:05:44,914 --> 00:05:46,814 ? What's in the box? Oh, it's just socks ? 132 00:05:46,816 --> 00:05:48,916 ? And not a paintball gun ? 133 00:05:48,918 --> 00:05:50,618 ? Jingle bells, this is hell ? 134 00:05:50,620 --> 00:05:52,253 ? Hanukkah's so lame ? 135 00:05:52,255 --> 00:05:54,121 ? Compared to this, it's like a bris ? 136 00:05:54,123 --> 00:05:55,856 ? Just chop my dick away ? 137 00:05:55,858 --> 00:05:57,325 ? Just chop ? 138 00:05:57,427 --> 00:05:59,260 ? Just chop ? 139 00:05:59,262 --> 00:06:06,000 ? Just chop my dick away ? 140 00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:10,504 Look at these goys lining up for a mall Santa. 141 00:06:10,506 --> 00:06:12,273 You're a bunch of idiots! 142 00:06:12,275 --> 00:06:15,142 Uh, excuse me, could you keep your voice down? 143 00:06:15,144 --> 00:06:16,811 There are children here. 144 00:06:16,813 --> 00:06:19,013 Oh, do the children know their "Santa" 145 00:06:19,015 --> 00:06:21,349 works at Home Depot? 146 00:06:21,351 --> 00:06:24,251 He makes keys. 147 00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:26,454 You know where the real Santa is? 148 00:06:26,456 --> 00:06:27,521 He's dead! 149 00:06:27,523 --> 00:06:29,624 - [Gasping] - Captain Keys over there 150 00:06:29,626 --> 00:06:31,692 is pretending to be a dead guy. 151 00:06:31,694 --> 00:06:33,561 [Slurps] 152 00:06:33,563 --> 00:06:35,463 You know what? I'm going to show everyone. 153 00:06:35,465 --> 00:06:38,132 I'm going to get Santa's body from the North Pole. 154 00:06:38,134 --> 00:06:40,034 Yep. That's what I'm going to do. 155 00:06:40,036 --> 00:06:42,303 Don't drink my drink while I'm gone. 156 00:06:42,538 --> 00:06:43,938 [All shouting] 157 00:06:43,940 --> 00:06:46,040 Hey. Where... Where are you all going? 158 00:06:46,042 --> 00:06:48,042 I told you Santa was dead. 159 00:06:48,044 --> 00:06:50,077 Don't you want to see his dead body? 160 00:06:50,079 --> 00:06:52,713 Whoa! There really is a Santa. 161 00:06:52,715 --> 00:06:54,048 Not anymore. 162 00:06:54,050 --> 00:06:57,618 Santa is so dumb. Look at his dumb suit. 163 00:06:57,620 --> 00:06:58,919 Seems warm though. 164 00:06:58,921 --> 00:07:00,321 I could use something like this. 165 00:07:00,323 --> 00:07:03,157 I'm literally always cold. I'm like a woman. 166 00:07:03,159 --> 00:07:05,459 [Chuckles] Hot take, Roger, hot take. 167 00:07:05,461 --> 00:07:08,295 What the hell, I'm going to try it on. 168 00:07:09,899 --> 00:07:11,265 [Belch] 169 00:07:11,267 --> 00:07:13,501 Was that the sesame chicken I had earlier? 170 00:07:13,503 --> 00:07:16,137 Wait a minute. Let's see if... 171 00:07:19,008 --> 00:07:20,975 [Gasps] I think the suit 172 00:07:20,977 --> 00:07:23,244 turns whoever is wearing it into Santa. 173 00:07:23,246 --> 00:07:25,446 But how can I be Santa? 174 00:07:25,448 --> 00:07:27,581 I'm Jewish. 175 00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:32,586 Could I be Jewish Santa with Santa powers? 176 00:07:35,958 --> 00:07:37,725 - Awesome! - Hey! 177 00:07:37,727 --> 00:07:39,860 What the hell are you doing?! 178 00:07:41,130 --> 00:07:42,530 Shut up, key man! 179 00:07:42,532 --> 00:07:44,999 There's a new Santa Claus in town, 180 00:07:45,001 --> 00:07:46,422 and his name's... 181 00:07:46,703 --> 00:07:47,968 Shmanta. 182 00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:50,271 Holla at Jew boy. 183 00:07:51,365 --> 00:07:53,760 _ 184 00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:55,620 Hey, y'all. It's me, Greg. 185 00:07:55,622 --> 00:07:57,488 I'm here at the Langley Falls Galleria 186 00:07:57,490 --> 00:08:00,491 with breaking news so urgent that I got called away from 187 00:08:00,493 --> 00:08:03,194 a daytime rager at my friend's new townhouse. 188 00:08:03,196 --> 00:08:06,097 Santa Claus, yes, the Santa Claus, 189 00:08:06,099 --> 00:08:08,299 is slated to make an historic announcement. 190 00:08:08,301 --> 00:08:10,835 Speaking of announcements, I kissed a woman earlier 191 00:08:10,837 --> 00:08:12,170 and it wasn't weird. 192 00:08:12,172 --> 00:08:13,571 I thought Santa was dead. 193 00:08:13,573 --> 00:08:15,607 It's probably just a crazy impostor, 194 00:08:15,609 --> 00:08:17,475 but can you believe the news about Greg? 195 00:08:17,477 --> 00:08:20,378 Why would it feel weird? We were just having fun. 196 00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:23,548 It was a rager. He needs to relax. 197 00:08:23,550 --> 00:08:25,783 Ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment 198 00:08:25,785 --> 00:08:27,619 you've all been waiting for. 199 00:08:27,621 --> 00:08:30,188 Santa Claus is real! 200 00:08:30,190 --> 00:08:32,457 And he's Jewish! 201 00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:35,126 [Gasping] 202 00:08:35,128 --> 00:08:36,294 Of course. 203 00:08:36,296 --> 00:08:39,264 [Camera shutters clicking] 204 00:08:39,266 --> 00:08:40,431 What are you doing? 205 00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:42,367 All Hanukkah needs is a Santa. 206 00:08:42,369 --> 00:08:43,801 I'm putting us on the map. 207 00:08:43,803 --> 00:08:45,336 So you're Santa? 208 00:08:45,338 --> 00:08:48,106 I go by Shmanta because I celebrate Hanukkah now. 209 00:08:48,108 --> 00:08:49,507 - Why, you might ask? - I didn't. 210 00:08:49,509 --> 00:08:51,509 During Hanukkah, you get eight days 211 00:08:51,511 --> 00:08:53,144 of presents instead of one. 212 00:08:53,146 --> 00:08:55,213 That's eight times better than Christmas, 213 00:08:55,215 --> 00:08:57,649 and you get to sing super catchy songs. 214 00:08:57,651 --> 00:09:00,118 ? Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ? 215 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,953 ? I made you out of clay ? 216 00:09:01,955 --> 00:09:03,488 ? Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ? 217 00:09:03,490 --> 00:09:05,523 ? I don't know how to play ? 218 00:09:05,525 --> 00:09:07,458 ? Putzes, futzes, schmutzes ? 219 00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:09,294 ? All are Jewish words ? 220 00:09:09,296 --> 00:09:11,162 ? Schwimmer, Sandler, Spielberg ? 221 00:09:11,164 --> 00:09:13,364 ? All are Jewish nerds ? 222 00:09:13,565 --> 00:09:16,039 _ 223 00:09:16,203 --> 00:09:18,303 ? So why do you need Christmas ? 224 00:09:18,305 --> 00:09:20,271 ? When you have Hanukkah? ? 225 00:09:20,273 --> 00:09:22,073 ? Shmanta Claus is coming ? 226 00:09:22,075 --> 00:09:24,375 ? For girls named Monica ? 227 00:09:24,377 --> 00:09:25,977 ? Monica on "Friends" was Jewish ? 228 00:09:25,979 --> 00:09:29,480 ? so I assumed that that's a Jewish name, right? ? 229 00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:32,016 [Coins jingling] 230 00:09:32,018 --> 00:09:33,751 This is so cool. 231 00:09:33,753 --> 00:09:37,021 Look at me. I'm Rob Reiner! 232 00:09:37,023 --> 00:09:40,458 So, kids, if you want presents from Shmanta this year, 233 00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:43,594 don't put out milk and cookies, put out lox and bagels, 234 00:09:43,596 --> 00:09:48,166 and call your mother, she's very worried about you. 235 00:09:48,168 --> 00:09:50,134 And from Shmanta's home to yours, 236 00:09:50,136 --> 00:09:54,272 I say, oy, oy, oy, happy Hanukkah. 237 00:09:54,273 --> 00:09:56,613 _ 238 00:10:01,456 --> 00:10:03,548 Roger. 239 00:10:05,618 --> 00:10:07,885 - No luck? - I went to six stores, 240 00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:09,620 but I couldn't find any Christmas ornaments. 241 00:10:09,622 --> 00:10:11,222 It's all Hanukkah stuff now. 242 00:10:11,224 --> 00:10:13,157 Roger: Well, now you know how it feels. 243 00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:14,625 Aaah! 244 00:10:14,627 --> 00:10:17,128 Just doing a practice run because I'm Santa now. 245 00:10:17,130 --> 00:10:19,297 Did you know your chimney is full of dead birds? 246 00:10:19,299 --> 00:10:20,865 How are you pulling this off? 247 00:10:20,867 --> 00:10:23,401 Apparently this suit gives me all the Christmas magic 248 00:10:23,403 --> 00:10:26,571 that Santa had, so I can do this. 249 00:10:26,573 --> 00:10:27,805 Oh, dang. 250 00:10:27,807 --> 00:10:30,308 He turned the tree into that Jewish pitch fork. 251 00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:31,943 So since Christmas sucks now, 252 00:10:31,945 --> 00:10:35,246 you want to do my thing, get balls deep into Hanukkah? 253 00:10:35,248 --> 00:10:37,382 Roger, we have nothing against Hanukkah, 254 00:10:37,384 --> 00:10:39,250 but we celebrate Christmas. 255 00:10:39,252 --> 00:10:41,986 Wow. Okay. I'm reeling. 256 00:10:41,988 --> 00:10:44,822 Pardon my loud hand talking, but I'm Jewish now, 257 00:10:44,824 --> 00:10:47,325 and I'm hearing you're not willing to give up Christmas 258 00:10:47,327 --> 00:10:48,659 based on what I'm doing? 259 00:10:48,661 --> 00:10:52,063 Well, feh, feh, feh, feh, and feh. 260 00:10:52,065 --> 00:10:53,765 I'm going to the South Pole. 261 00:10:53,767 --> 00:10:56,401 That's what I'm calling my new headquarters in Miami. 262 00:10:56,403 --> 00:10:59,837 [Bell rings] 263 00:10:59,839 --> 00:11:04,042 [Bells jingling] 264 00:11:04,134 --> 00:11:05,400 Cool sleigh, huh? 265 00:11:05,402 --> 00:11:07,001 I cut the top off a lambo 266 00:11:07,003 --> 00:11:08,369 and hired the University of Miami 267 00:11:08,371 --> 00:11:09,938 cheer team as my reindeer. 268 00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:13,675 We've got Shmasher, and Shamcer, and Shpencer, and Shmixon, 269 00:11:13,677 --> 00:11:16,778 Shmomet, and Shmooped, and Shmonner, and Shvitzen, 270 00:11:16,780 --> 00:11:20,648 but do you recall the most Jewish reindeer of all? 271 00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:22,383 [High-pitched beeping] 272 00:11:22,385 --> 00:11:23,484 Guess what his name is. 273 00:11:23,486 --> 00:11:25,653 - Shmoodolf. - How'd you know? 274 00:11:25,854 --> 00:11:28,137 _ 275 00:11:28,592 --> 00:11:33,228 ? 276 00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:35,296 Great work, guys. This party is going to 277 00:11:35,298 --> 00:11:37,098 blow Christmas out of the water. 278 00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:38,700 Love the latke station over here. 279 00:11:38,702 --> 00:11:40,635 We got the Manischewitz open bar, there. 280 00:11:40,637 --> 00:11:43,304 Nice. And we got the kiddie pool full of oil 281 00:11:43,306 --> 00:11:45,106 for the Hanukkah hunks to wrestle in. 282 00:11:45,108 --> 00:11:46,474 - Oil wrestling? - Yeah. 283 00:11:46,476 --> 00:11:49,077 Hanukkah is all about oil. Read the Torah much? 284 00:11:49,079 --> 00:11:51,079 Hey. Six-pointed stars! 285 00:11:51,081 --> 00:11:52,447 That's one more than Christmas. 286 00:11:52,449 --> 00:11:54,349 Good looking out. But why stop there? 287 00:11:54,351 --> 00:11:56,384 Let's get some more points on those things. 288 00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:57,885 Make them look like saw blades. 289 00:11:57,887 --> 00:11:59,120 That's the Star of David. 290 00:11:59,122 --> 00:12:01,222 David? Screw that guy. 291 00:12:01,224 --> 00:12:02,624 Wait, should I screw that guy? 292 00:12:02,626 --> 00:12:04,025 Put out some feelers to David. 293 00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:05,693 - See if he's DTF. - Yeah. 294 00:12:05,695 --> 00:12:07,195 David is not DTF 295 00:12:07,197 --> 00:12:09,130 because he's been dead for 4,000 years. 296 00:12:09,132 --> 00:12:10,298 Done worse. 297 00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,834 [Whispering] I [bleep] a chicken. 298 00:12:12,836 --> 00:12:16,404 [Dance music playing] 299 00:12:16,406 --> 00:12:18,373 Hey. This is the biggest party of the year. 300 00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:19,807 Why are people waiting outside? 301 00:12:19,809 --> 00:12:22,377 - I'm checking the list. - That's Santa shit. 302 00:12:22,379 --> 00:12:26,147 Let everybody in, except for these Christmas creeps. 303 00:12:26,149 --> 00:12:27,582 They'll definitely want a piece of me 304 00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:29,484 now that I'm bigger than Jesus. 305 00:12:29,486 --> 00:12:31,252 Also, no Lebron James. 306 00:12:31,254 --> 00:12:33,288 That asshole broke Miami's heart. 307 00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:36,891 Oh, crap, it's Lebron. Lebron, get in here. 308 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,795 [Dance music playing] 309 00:12:40,797 --> 00:12:44,899 ? 310 00:12:44,901 --> 00:12:49,604 ? 311 00:12:49,606 --> 00:12:51,272 Dude, we did it! 312 00:12:51,274 --> 00:12:53,274 Hanukkah is number one now! 313 00:12:53,276 --> 00:12:55,643 Yeah. So it's sundown. 314 00:12:55,645 --> 00:12:57,211 Maybe we should light the menorah. 315 00:12:57,213 --> 00:12:59,814 Ah, that's Christmas shit. Let's get laid! 316 00:12:59,816 --> 00:13:03,151 It's just that the whole point of Hanukkah is... 317 00:13:03,153 --> 00:13:07,255 Me dropping the bomb about our surprise musical guest? 318 00:13:07,257 --> 00:13:09,123 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome 319 00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,993 to the stage a Jewish music legend, 320 00:13:11,995 --> 00:13:13,795 Enrique Iglesias! 321 00:13:13,797 --> 00:13:16,164 [Cheers and applause] 322 00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:19,000 Shalom, Miami! 323 00:13:19,002 --> 00:13:20,835 ? Enrique Iglesias ? 324 00:13:20,937 --> 00:13:22,804 ? Enrique Iglesias ? 325 00:13:22,806 --> 00:13:24,238 Everybody! 326 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:25,907 Roger: That's Enrique Iglesias? 327 00:13:25,909 --> 00:13:28,376 I guess I always mix him up with Ricky Martin. 328 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:31,813 Look at me. 329 00:13:31,815 --> 00:13:34,282 [Snorts] 330 00:13:34,284 --> 00:13:36,684 I'm king of the Jews! 331 00:13:36,686 --> 00:13:37,485 Aah! 332 00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:39,487 - [Thud] - I'm okay! 333 00:13:39,489 --> 00:13:41,022 I landed right in the oil. 334 00:13:41,024 --> 00:13:42,857 It's a Hanukkah miracle. 335 00:13:43,158 --> 00:13:45,519 _ 336 00:13:49,799 --> 00:13:52,400 I couldn't find red or green sprinkles at the store, 337 00:13:52,402 --> 00:13:54,369 so I decorated these cookies with ketchup 338 00:13:54,371 --> 00:13:55,870 and pureed spinach. 339 00:13:55,872 --> 00:13:57,071 Enjoy. 340 00:13:57,073 --> 00:14:00,208 Well, even though this may not be the best Christmas, 341 00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:03,678 at least we're all together, or whatever. 342 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:05,613 I kind of miss Roger. Oh, my god. 343 00:14:05,615 --> 00:14:07,515 Is this what his foot actually looks like? 344 00:14:07,517 --> 00:14:10,585 Sometimes we forget Roger is a straight-up monster. 345 00:14:10,587 --> 00:14:12,620 You have to help me take down your uncle. 346 00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:14,822 Um, do we not lock the door? 347 00:14:14,824 --> 00:14:17,525 But everyone is celebrating Hanukkah now. Aren't you happy? 348 00:14:17,527 --> 00:14:19,894 No! Not when it's turned into Shmanta 349 00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:22,697 rolling blunts with pages of the Torah. 350 00:14:22,699 --> 00:14:25,133 I just want my boring Hanukkah again. 351 00:14:25,135 --> 00:14:29,103 Sorry, Snot. The only person who can stop Shmanta is Santa, 352 00:14:29,105 --> 00:14:30,838 and he's not coming back. 353 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,841 Actually, there may be a way. 354 00:14:33,843 --> 00:14:37,945 ? 355 00:14:37,947 --> 00:14:41,249 Oh, my God. P.F. Chung's has a side business 356 00:14:41,251 --> 00:14:43,518 storing corpses they find in the mall? 357 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,521 So there are writings in the Book of Creation 358 00:14:46,523 --> 00:14:49,190 about how to reanimate a body. 359 00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:51,993 You can bring the dead back to life? 360 00:14:51,995 --> 00:14:54,595 Snot, you little rascal, 361 00:14:54,597 --> 00:14:57,265 I thought we told each other everything. 362 00:14:57,267 --> 00:14:59,066 The book says we can activate golems 363 00:14:59,068 --> 00:15:02,136 by highlighting letters of the Hebrew alphabet 364 00:15:02,138 --> 00:15:04,472 and reciting the 10 Sefirot. 365 00:15:04,474 --> 00:15:06,541 Now we just need this. 366 00:15:06,543 --> 00:15:08,810 Oh, my God. Is that blood? 367 00:15:08,812 --> 00:15:10,211 Yeah. Calm down. 368 00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,213 Keter. 369 00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:13,915 Hokhmah. 370 00:15:13,917 --> 00:15:15,383 Binah. 371 00:15:15,385 --> 00:15:17,251 Is he speaking Jewish? 372 00:15:17,253 --> 00:15:19,053 - Is that a language? - Shh! 373 00:15:19,055 --> 00:15:21,656 Are you shushing me because you want me to be quiet, 374 00:15:21,658 --> 00:15:23,858 or because you don't know? 375 00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:26,327 Shh! 376 00:15:26,329 --> 00:15:30,198 Shekhinah. 377 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,033 [Groans] 378 00:15:32,035 --> 00:15:33,301 It worked. 379 00:15:33,303 --> 00:15:35,570 Santa, I know we've had our differences, 380 00:15:35,572 --> 00:15:37,004 but we need your help. 381 00:15:37,006 --> 00:15:38,573 [Groans] 382 00:15:38,575 --> 00:15:41,309 Santa, are you okay? 383 00:15:41,311 --> 00:15:43,010 [Groans] 384 00:15:43,012 --> 00:15:46,514 Oh, my God. You turned Santa into a Frankenstein! 385 00:15:46,516 --> 00:15:48,185 Oh, my God. 386 00:15:48,418 --> 00:15:50,218 Snot's a witch! 387 00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:51,853 Burn him! 388 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,961 _ 389 00:15:55,008 --> 00:15:56,741 [Bells jingling] 390 00:15:56,743 --> 00:15:59,911 So, Santa, you don't remember me? 391 00:15:59,913 --> 00:16:02,346 [Groans] 392 00:16:02,348 --> 00:16:04,749 We need you to save Christmas. 393 00:16:04,751 --> 00:16:07,251 Christmas? 394 00:16:07,253 --> 00:16:08,653 This is a lost cause. 395 00:16:08,655 --> 00:16:11,255 Your Uncle Roger only got his Hanukkah powers 396 00:16:11,257 --> 00:16:13,324 after putting on that Santa suit. 397 00:16:13,326 --> 00:16:16,093 Maybe Santa just needs his suit back. 398 00:16:16,095 --> 00:16:18,329 - Suit? - He knows the word! 399 00:16:18,331 --> 00:16:21,265 Suit? Suit! Suit! 400 00:16:21,267 --> 00:16:23,100 That's it! We need to go to Miami 401 00:16:23,102 --> 00:16:24,635 to get that suit from Roger, 402 00:16:24,637 --> 00:16:27,104 and, maybe after, we can take birthday shots for Jesus 403 00:16:27,106 --> 00:16:29,440 on the crystal dance floor at Club Bardot. 404 00:16:29,442 --> 00:16:32,677 Dad, you little party animal. 405 00:16:32,679 --> 00:16:35,947 Who else has a surprise up their sleeve? 406 00:16:37,052 --> 00:16:38,904 _ 407 00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:43,054 Snot? 408 00:16:43,056 --> 00:16:44,789 Enrique? 409 00:16:44,791 --> 00:16:46,123 Reindeer people? 410 00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:47,692 Where is everyone? 411 00:16:47,694 --> 00:16:49,894 Shmanta, the Smiths are at the door. 412 00:16:49,896 --> 00:16:52,063 What? Why didn't you let them in? 413 00:16:52,065 --> 00:16:53,698 Well, you told us to keep them out. 414 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,500 That was before they learned their lesson, 415 00:16:55,502 --> 00:16:57,134 which they clearly now learned. 416 00:16:57,136 --> 00:16:58,669 Let them in! 417 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,974 What's up, dicks? Welcome to the South Pole. 418 00:17:02,976 --> 00:17:04,342 Bring it in. Bring it in. 419 00:17:04,344 --> 00:17:05,810 I'm not mad at you, dicks. 420 00:17:05,812 --> 00:17:08,646 Roger, we're not staying. We just came for your suit. 421 00:17:08,648 --> 00:17:10,548 - What? - Just do what they say, 422 00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:12,917 and give them your suit, Mr. Uncle Roger. 423 00:17:12,919 --> 00:17:15,586 No. I'm never giving up being Shmanta! 424 00:17:15,588 --> 00:17:17,688 Fair enough. Will you at least accept 425 00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:19,790 our parting Hanukkah gift? 426 00:17:25,498 --> 00:17:27,865 Oh, is that a razor scooter? 427 00:17:27,867 --> 00:17:29,400 Aaah! 428 00:17:29,402 --> 00:17:31,802 - Santa? - Suit! 429 00:17:31,804 --> 00:17:34,438 - [Punk music plays] - Elves, attack! 430 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,307 I'm here for you, Shmanta! 431 00:17:36,309 --> 00:17:37,508 - Aaah! - Aaah! 432 00:17:37,510 --> 00:17:39,510 ? Oh, what fun it is to ride ? 433 00:17:39,512 --> 00:17:41,812 ? In a one-horse open sleigh ? 434 00:17:41,814 --> 00:17:42,747 Hey! 435 00:17:42,749 --> 00:17:45,049 ? Jingle bells, jingle bells ? 436 00:17:45,051 --> 00:17:47,351 - ? Jingle all the way ? - Aaah! 437 00:17:47,353 --> 00:17:48,753 - [Straining] - ? Oh, what fun... ? 438 00:17:48,755 --> 00:17:50,454 - Ooh! - ? ...it is to ride ? 439 00:17:50,456 --> 00:17:53,190 ? In a one-horse open sleigh ? 440 00:17:53,192 --> 00:17:55,326 - ? Dashing through the snow ? - Hey, Santa. 441 00:17:55,328 --> 00:17:56,627 ? In a one-horse open sleigh ? 442 00:17:56,629 --> 00:17:58,696 - [Groans] - Oil be back. 443 00:17:58,698 --> 00:18:01,098 ? O'er the fields we go ? 444 00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:02,967 ? Laughing all the way ? 445 00:18:02,969 --> 00:18:03,768 ? The way! ? 446 00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:05,136 ? Bells on bobtail ring ? 447 00:18:05,138 --> 00:18:06,871 Oh, my God. Roger, are you going to to... 448 00:18:06,873 --> 00:18:08,606 I'm lighting this bitch up. 449 00:18:08,608 --> 00:18:09,907 [Bell rings] 450 00:18:09,909 --> 00:18:11,509 ? What fun it is to ride and sing ? 451 00:18:11,511 --> 00:18:14,045 ? A sleighing song tonight ? 452 00:18:14,047 --> 00:18:17,248 ? Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells ? 453 00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:19,650 ? Jingle all the way ? 454 00:18:19,652 --> 00:18:22,019 ? Oh, what fun it is to ride ? 455 00:18:22,021 --> 00:18:24,322 ? In a one-horse open sleigh ? 456 00:18:24,324 --> 00:18:25,456 Hey! 457 00:18:25,458 --> 00:18:27,725 ? Jingle bells, jingle bells ? 458 00:18:27,727 --> 00:18:30,261 ? Jingle... ? 459 00:18:30,263 --> 00:18:33,064 Thank God Santa is finally dead. 460 00:18:33,066 --> 00:18:34,098 Oh, cool, a hand. 461 00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:35,232 Aah! 462 00:18:35,234 --> 00:18:37,034 [Screaming] 463 00:18:44,777 --> 00:18:46,110 I'm back! 464 00:18:46,112 --> 00:18:48,045 And you're dead. 465 00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:51,849 You have your suit now, Santa. Let's just call a truce. 466 00:18:51,851 --> 00:18:54,485 You're forgetting who I am, Smith. 467 00:18:54,487 --> 00:18:57,521 I'm Santa. I don't do truces. 468 00:18:57,523 --> 00:19:00,391 That's the one thing every kid knows about me. 469 00:19:00,393 --> 00:19:01,492 That... 470 00:19:01,494 --> 00:19:04,128 and that I shoot lightning! 471 00:19:06,132 --> 00:19:07,531 The [bleep] is this? 472 00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:08,599 Head for the sleigh! 473 00:19:08,601 --> 00:19:12,269 [Grunting] 474 00:19:12,271 --> 00:19:13,671 Why did you save me? 475 00:19:13,673 --> 00:19:14,972 Santa has his suit now, 476 00:19:14,974 --> 00:19:16,907 so you've got your precious Christmas back. 477 00:19:16,909 --> 00:19:19,543 It wasn't just Christmas we wanted back, Roger. 478 00:19:19,545 --> 00:19:21,078 It was you. 479 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:24,448 Maybe I didn't want you guys to care about Hanukkah. 480 00:19:24,450 --> 00:19:27,385 I just wanted you to care about me. 481 00:19:27,387 --> 00:19:28,919 That's why we came, you idiot. 482 00:19:28,921 --> 00:19:31,022 Now get your reindeer to fly us out of here. 483 00:19:31,024 --> 00:19:33,391 Uh, we can't fly without Hanukkah magic. 484 00:19:33,393 --> 00:19:35,660 Before I was abducted, I was just a college student 485 00:19:35,662 --> 00:19:37,528 trying to get my exercise science degree 486 00:19:37,530 --> 00:19:39,130 from the University of Miami. 487 00:19:39,132 --> 00:19:40,398 All: The "U." 488 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,367 [Screaming] 489 00:19:43,369 --> 00:19:46,337 [Trilling tongue] 490 00:19:46,339 --> 00:19:47,905 Oh, God, we're sitting ducks! 491 00:19:47,907 --> 00:19:50,708 Don't worry. I may not have Christmas magic any more, 492 00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:52,443 but I do have the key. 493 00:19:52,445 --> 00:19:53,678 [Engine starts] 494 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,781 [Screaming] 495 00:19:56,783 --> 00:19:59,817 Damn it. I'll get you, Smiths. 496 00:19:59,819 --> 00:20:03,788 What the hell is with all these weird stars?! 497 00:20:04,824 --> 00:20:06,624 [Bells jingling] 498 00:20:06,626 --> 00:20:09,527 Steve: Maybe next Christmas no one will die. 499 00:20:09,529 --> 00:20:10,995 [Laughter] 500 00:20:10,997 --> 00:20:12,147 Hayley: Yeah, right. 501 00:20:12,164 --> 00:20:14,164 _ 502 00:20:14,233 --> 00:20:16,300 [Bells jingling] 503 00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:19,970 Guys, I can't believe you went to Miami without me. 504 00:20:19,972 --> 00:20:23,307 I know people. I could have gotten us Marlins tickets. 505 00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:25,576 Back row of the bleachers, baby. 506 00:20:25,578 --> 00:20:27,878 Okay. Now, are you guys ready 507 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,447 for your Christmas present? 508 00:20:29,449 --> 00:20:30,748 How'd you have time to shop? 509 00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:33,484 This is a gift I was born with... 510 00:20:33,486 --> 00:20:35,019 my dance. 511 00:20:35,021 --> 00:20:36,487 Pfbtttt... 512 00:20:36,489 --> 00:20:37,555 Unh-eh-eh-eh... 513 00:20:37,557 --> 00:20:39,290 Whoa. 514 00:20:39,292 --> 00:20:41,959 Unh-eh-eh-eh... 515 00:20:41,961 --> 00:20:45,229 So you want to get Chinese food and watch a movie? 516 00:20:45,231 --> 00:20:47,631 Of course, mom. It's tradition. 517 00:20:47,633 --> 00:20:50,267 Unh-eh-eh-eh... 518 00:20:50,269 --> 00:20:53,571 Now here's a little move I call the Hatchimal. 519 00:20:53,573 --> 00:20:55,106 Whoo! 520 00:20:55,108 --> 00:20:55,940 [Screaming] 521 00:20:55,942 --> 00:20:58,275 Oh, grow up, everyone. 522 00:20:58,277 --> 00:20:59,009 Bye! Have a great time! 523 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,010 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 524 00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:07,610 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0